Ann asks:
Sarah, I’ve just had a quick look at your website. I noticed you usually stand to the side of your bride and groom, not behind them. It looks really good. I imagine when you first started you tried all spots to stand and this was the best? Any hints on this Sarah?
You’re absolutely right Ann, it took me a bit of trial and error and a lot of talking to other celebrants to figure out where I was most comfortable standing during the ceremony. Let me take you through how I worked it out! But first a reminder that this is the way it works for ME; I’m not saying it’s right or the only way, I’m not saying the other ways are wrong (even though I will tell you why they don’t work for me), I’m simply letting you know that this is how I prefer to operate. Want to know how Josh operates?
When I first started as a celebrant, during my training in particular, I thought all celebrants stood in what I call the “traditional priest position”: between and slightly behind the couple. That’s the way I was trained, it’s what I assumed from the movies, and it’s where the celebrant who inspired me to become a celebrant stood.Â

Then I went along to my first wedding officiated by a “younger” celebrant; I had just been registered and Danielle Binaisse was being a huge help to me, and she let me come along to one of her ceremonies. She stood next to the couple, which at the time, quite frankly, I thought was a bit weird. I didn’t understand it, and it wasn’t in keeping with what I was used to. So I asked her why she did it that way. She said she liked the couple to spend some time facing their guests (while she was standing next to them, they were standing next to each other rather than facing each other) while she was telling their story etc, so they could enjoy the reactions of their favourite people. She also said from that position she found it easy to present both to the couple and to the guests.Â

I still thought it was a bit weird, but I tucked it away in my memory for further consideration.
By that time I’d started following other celebrants on social media, and attending some networking events put on by associations, and I started hearing about some celebrants who stood at the end of the wedding party. They felt they were then out of all of the photos of the couple and their attendants. Some of them also said they created a point of focus for the couple, their attendants, and their guests to watch, so that the couple didn’t feel all eyes were on them for the whole ceremony (some couples are very anxious about having everyone looking at them). Again, my personal feeling was that it was weird, but I tucked it away for further consideration.Â

My first “big” wedding was in March 2014 (my first two weddings were essentially legals only ceremonies, so no need to stand anywhere), and as I’d been taught, I stood in the “traditional priest position”. Throughout the ceremony I was distracted by the groom blowing his beer breath in his bride’s face (he thought he was hilarious; she wasn’t quite as convinced), and by them talking and laughing to each other. But the wedding had been generally an unpleasant experience (that’s a story for another post) so I just chalked up my discomfort standing in that position to the general discomfort of the wedding.
The following week I had another wedding, and this time I had more to say as I was telling the couple’s story. Again I stood in the “traditional priest position.” And I hated it. I hated having the couple as a barrier between me and the guests; I didn’t feel I could present to or engage with the guests in any way while I was reciting these gorgeous words I’d spent so much time writing. All I could see was the couple standing in front of me, and I could see that for them facing each other for that length of time was becoming awkward; they pretty much looked anywhere except at each other’s faces. I vowed then and there that I would never stand in that spot again.
The next wedding I decided I was going to try the “next to the couple” arrangement I’d seen Danielle use. I encouraged the couple to face their guests for the opening of the ceremony and only face each other for the vows and rings. I stood next to them but not between them, and I felt so much more comfortable. I could present to and engage with both the guests and the couple; I wasn’t in the middle of all of their photos (there was space enough for the photographer to zoom in and just get pics of the couple); and I was still next to them if they needed anything (there were definitely some requests for tissues during that ceremony). I had found my spot!
I usually stood between the groom and the best man; I had seen some photos of the wonderful Andrew Redman standing between the groom and the best man, and because he was wearing a similar suit, he looked like a groomsman. Now it was highly unlikely that in my wardrobe of black dresses I would ever look like a bridesmaid, but I still wanted to avoid that, as well as avoid standing on the bride’s dress, so my preference was to stand between the groom and the best man.

Photo: Michael Briggs Photography

Photo: Lucy Spartalis of She Takes Pictures He Makes Films
During the vows and the rings, I moved to stand behind the person speaking so I could hold the microphone for them, but I still didn’t stand between the couple; I would hide myself behind the appropriate person as much as possible (obviously I will never be able to completely hide myself behind a person, but it’s the thought that counts!).

Photo: Yarra Valley Wedding Photography by Rick Liston

Photo: Michael Briggs Photography
I was still curious about the “end of the wedding party” choice. I wasn’t convinced about the “not being in any photos” thing; I felt that they couldn’t get married without me, and there would be hours of opportunities for them to have photos without me in them, so I wasn’t too fussed about being in some of their ceremony photos. I felt like I might be too far away from the couple if they needed anything; I see part of my job on the day is to look after the couple as much as it is to present their ceremony, and if I was at the end of the wedding party I wouldn’t be able to hear them if they needed to ask for a tissue or for a pause to collect themselves etc. But I was interested in the opportunity for a different presentation style, one where turning to face the couple wouldn’t mean turning so severely away from the guests. But I wasn’t entirely prepared to move away from my preferred option.
Until one day I had to. The groom had his twin brother as the best man, and just as the processional was about to start he whispered to me, “I really need to stand next to my brother for support, can you please swap with him?” Sure thing; I’m all about whatever the couple wants and needs. I decided that rather than standing one removed from the groom (who had six groomsmen) I would take myself down to the end of the line and see how it felt. And I hated it. I felt so removed from the couple, I didn’t feel like I could engage with them at all, and it didn’t feel any easier to present than my usual spot did.Â
I wasn’t keen on standing in that position again, but a couple I worked with in 2017 asked me to. At the rehearsal I was showing everyone how we would stand, and I moved to the bride’s side this time because she had one less bridesmaid than the number of groomsmen (I like to balance things out wherever I can). The groom said they’d worked so hard to choose bridesmaid dresses that complemented the bride’s dress, and he didn’t like the look me in the middle of that. So I moved to the end. Again, I hated it. I couldn’t see the couple from where I was standing; there was limited space and if I’d moved forward out of the line of bridesmaids, I would have blocked the view of some of the guests.Â

Photo: ATEIA Photography & VideoÂ
So I’m back to my preferred position, between one party and their attendants. If there is only one attendant on each side I’ll often stand at the far end of them, because then there’s only one person between me and the couple and I still feel like I’m close enough to engage with and look after the couple. But any more than that, my preference is between one party and their attendants for the majority of the ceremony, behind the speaker to hold the microphone for vows and rings, and get the hell out of the way for the kiss 🙂Â
When it comes down to it I actually move around quite a lot during the ceremony, and I think that it’s important for celebrants not to feel “stuck” in one position. It’s okay to move to where we’re needed at any given time. Our feet are not concreted to the ground!Â
For all new and continuing celebrants out there, feel free to give different things a shot and see how they feel. A lot of the way I present my ceremonies has been decided through trial and error over the last almost five years, figuring out what feels comfortable for me and my couples. Of course if a couple has a specific preference, and they’re not convinced by my explanations for my preferences, I’ll go along with whatever they want. But all things being equal, I have a way I like to do things, and I’m sure you will all figure out your preferred way of doing things too.
So interesting thanks Sarah! It’s true, the couple can get quite awkward and fidgety facing one another. I’ll definitely try this out.
I disagree with Sarah, but that doesn’t make her wrong.
My preference is for my couples to face each other and I between them.
But that doesn’t make me right 🙂
But why is that your preference??? We want more details!
Awesome article Sarah!
I personally prefer standing at the end of the attendants or at “Gully” as I describe it. I find it lets the couple stand more casually and they can face their guest while still giving the couple something to look at if they don’t want to face that many people.
I also find it a great position to manage the guests’ attention – at times I want to draw the eye away from the couple (i.e. when one of them is having a moment) and other times I want to make sure the attention is on the couple so at times I’ll walk in front of the attendants for a moment to grab the attention.
Like Josh said though, that’s my preference and it doesn’t make me right!
Anyway, the other little gem I wanted to point out in the article is the gender-neutral term for the wedding party “Attendants”. This is going straight into my vocabulary because I’ve been strugling to find something to say other than “Bridal party” and “wedding party” makes me feel like I’m trying to not say “Bridal Party”.
I’ve been using Attendants for a while, the only issue is that some couples think I’m talking about the people attending their wedding, i.e. their guests. Nevertheless, glad to have been of assistance!
My perfect position is me in the middle and everyone standing in a semi-circle position so that they can see the guests, and there’s an impact when they turn to face each through their vows.
I also like your one-out arguments and do that sometimes too… might try to do it more.
But what I wanted to add was the last weekend I stood at the end (that’s just how things worked out on the day) and I hated it too. The brides were both really shy and nervous and I would have liked to have been there for them.
It’s part of my role after all: Big mamma support!!
So I will try to avoid that one as much as possible!
Great question and responses guys. I have yet to discover ‘my spot’ however I feel I will roam around a bit. I do have an interesting wedding coming up. that I’d like to share with you all.
Bride + Groom are best friends of mine.
Groom has 2 x groomsmen and 1 x groomswoman.
Bride has two bridesmaids (of which I am one). So 7 people all up.
HOWEVER…I am also the celebrant….
I don’t want to stand at the back in the middle with one lonely bridesmaid by herself during the ceremony and the other 3 attendants on the other side. Needless to say, my OCD was going into overdrive.
When discussing the stance of everyone (as mates do) + my maid of honour/celebrant duties + dealing with lopsidedness, a solution was thought of by the Bride! It seemed so obvious and I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t thought of it before.
The bride said- ‘We are not a traditional wedding with sides- we are all friends and you all all important to us. Why doesn’t the whole bridal party stand on one side(2 groomsman, 1 groomswoman and 1 bridesmaid), Groom and I in the middle and celebrant on the other side?”
* Genius *
They can face the crowd to start (with me on their right) and face each other for vows (with me behind them).
Ceremony is in September so I’ll let you know how it goes!
I’ve put the whole wedding party on one side a few times due to space restrictions and it’s worked really well!
Fabulous thanks everyone. Ann ????
This is something I’ve been mucking around with for while now! I find standing between the couple doesn’t always work as they sometimes angle towards me and not their guests, and there is a barrier between me and the guests.
And at the end of the line I’ve tried a few times, to be out of some photos, but I’ve decided I hate it as I feel so disengaged from the couple and I can see they feel the same.
I love the idea of being between the groom and best man, the couple are together, facing the crowd, the photog can get great photos without this numpty in every shot, and I’m still close enough to be engaged with them and the audience. Thanks!
So pleased you found it useful!
I am thoroughly enjoying going back & re reading some of the older posts. It’s 12 months ago today that I became a celebrant! I’m finding that as I get more ceremonies under my belt, I’m gaining so much more from all the information here.
Thanks Sarah & Josh!
Happy celeversary! A lot of this stuff definitely makes more sense as you have real-life context to put it in. Glad you’re enjoying it!
Great article with lots of ideas – love it 🙂 My favourite place to stand is at the end of the attendants, and then only to move in for the vows and rings. I love that we’re not all little robots and that all of our ceremonies have their little differences – fantastic.
This will be one of those trial and error situations I think! Just wherever doesn’t feel so awkward or detached from the couple and remembering that you certainly can move around when needing too.
Thanks so much for posting this fantastic article Sarah! As I prepare to officiate at my first ceremony I can see there are many options for where I can stand and that I need to strike a balance between what the couple might want and what is the most practical and reality! I look forward to finding what feels best for me. Stay tuned!