Guy asks:
Do you reduce your rate when a couple is in an awful situation? Terminally ill party etc. I’ve had this arise twice in the last 3 months and never know what to do.
First, Sarah’s response:
It’s a case by case basis for me, and it’s also one you have to be SUPER careful with. Everyone has a sob story. One of my very first bookings I fell for a story and gave a 10% discount – “we’re both students, and my grandmother is ill and we’re bringing the wedding forward so she can be there, it’s her dream” – then they didn’t get married for 18 months, so grandma clearly wasn’t that sick, her dress cost $5k (she proudly told me about that), and she turned up in a stretch Hummer. I can bet she didn’t get a discount on any of those things.
In my limited experience and observation of these things, the people who are actually in the most need are the ones who won’t ask for a discount or won’t accept it. There’s something empowering about them being able to pay for things themselves, and not taking a “handout” as I’ve heard some people say. They might prefer it if you made a donation in their name to a charity that’s close to their heart. The ones who come to you with a sob story are the ones who feel entitled for whatever reason, and I can assure you they’ll be the biggest pain in the arse clients you’ve ever dealt with.
I’ve had family members who have insisted on paying my full fee. I did the funeral of my best friend’s dad, and when I sent her the invoice with a small discount she sent it back, saying “we didn’t ask you to get mate’s rates, we asked you because you’re amazing – charge us what you would charge anyone else.” I didn’t charge my aunt when I did my uncle’s funeral and she still feels uncomfortable about it – I’ve had a lot of work from that funeral director though, one I hadn’t worked for before, so I let her know she’s paid me indirectly.
So I can’t give you a hard and fast ruling on this one. But do consider whether the couple is likely to be getting discounts from any other provider, or whether they think you’re a soft touch. Consider whether the story is truly legit (no idea how you find that out, but it’s something you need to think about). And also consider what kind of wedding they’re having – if we’re talking about a bedside legals only in the hospital, then yeah, they’re probs legit, there are no other providers, and I’d probs consider a discount. But if we’re talking about a full wedding with a whole lot of “stuff”, do they really need your discount, or do they just need it so they can afford fancy bomboniere????
And next, Josh’s response:
I’m with Sarah on this one. I either give it for free or full price, and if they ask for free or a discount it’s almost always going to be a bad experience for me.
Any requested discount or freebie ceremony has been the worst day at work for me.
Offering a freebie where it wasn’t requested is almost always a great day at work.
Summary
This one is obviously up to every celebrant to make their own call on. We don’t want to sound heartless, but hopefully we’ve given you some things to think about if this kind of request ever comes across your desk!
Morning All,
I read this with interest. As I’ve only been a celebrant for 18 months I totally did not rate my value but I have got much better at sticking up for my price, not apologising for it and Josh’s post about the $6 breakfast is now my standard answer. That said, I still do lots of freebies cause I’m a suck and I have a thousand relatives. I have a couple getting married soon whose baby daughter has to have brain surgery a few weeks after the wedding. I know it is legit and they haven’t asked for a discount but I still feel a bit bad.
There’s nothing to feel bad about! You’re running a business, and you need to be able to cover your expenses, at the very least! I very rarely give complete freebies – I will often give a discount to the value of the wedding gift I would have purchased ($150 to $200 depending on the relationship), but never a total freebie. Value yourself and they will value you more!
I think a big part of this is also about your business set-up. Celebrancy isn’t my main source of income. If it were, I’d probably have a very different view on how often I do mate’s rates or give away freebies.
I’m also still pretty new, so I’m pretty comfortable to do a freebie or contra for family and close friends at the moment as I’m seeing it as training – I’m sure this will change as I gain more experience and a free wedding means giving up a paid booking. But the key here is that I’m *happy* to do this for them, I’m not doing it because I feel guilty or bad for the client.
Excellent points! Freebies for training purposes are excellent, and freebies because you’re happy to do it are also excellent. Freebies because you feel you should are not excellent.
This is a very tricky topic!!!
Thanks guys for sharing! Having been a celebrant for almost 3yrs,
I have officiated quite a few family weddings!
I have gifted the ceremony as their wedding gift so far however as I venture into the more experienced ground of being a better celebrant I feel I would now love to charge a percentage ( not sure what as yet!!!)
Any thoughts?
I give a discount to the value of the wedding gift I would have purchased ($150 to $200 depending on the relationship), but never a total freebie. Say you charge $800 for a regular couple; do you often give $800 wedding gifts to your family members? No? So why are you giving them the entire wedding as their gift?!? That’s why I do it the way I do; a discount to the value of the gift I would have purchased for them 🙂
Great topic – I agree with The Oracle that the ones who ask for a discount will be a pain in the butt. My response is always “my price is this” – but we’re so poor – “I’m sorry to hear that, my price is this, if you’d like a legals only and ask a friend to do a big speech it’s more economical” but they always book me anyway. So they found the money somewhere.
I do half price and no mileage for family, so essentially at cost, because I work super hard and with my mother in law there I’d better get it right!
A friend had a terminal case and I refused to charge them for their at home wedding – they gave me a massive gift basket of lovely gourmet offerings which was so thoughtful.
I think having a set amount of freebies you’re willing to do in a year is a good plan. Then you can always say you’ve reached your limit for this year unfortunately. People are understanding about this.